“If anybody wants to get me a Valentine’s Day present, I wear a size large in rent”
February 13th, 2018 – Ah, Valentine’s Day. If you have a significant other, you can hope to receive a bouquet of donuts, because that’s now a thing. If you happen to be single, you can watch I Hate Valentine’s Day even if it does have a 19% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. There are plenty of ways to entertain yourself or your better half on the amorous day, but we can think of no better way than to head over to Twitter. Look, maybe we’re not that romantic.
Thoughts about Valentine’s Day aren’t always so black and white. Maybe you’re single, but you love getting together with friends to eat all the candy hearts. Maybe you’re in a relationship, but you and your partner both think the holiday is a corporation-fueled racket. The musings of Twitter users explore all of those feelings, and do it with a lot of humor.
So sit back, and stare longingly at your screen. We’ve rounded up some of the best Valentine’s Day tweets for your consideration. Plus, if you were let down by the writers over at e-cards, maybe you can e-mail one of these tweets to someone tomorrow.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
if anybody wants to get me a valentine’s day present, i wear a size large in rent.
— ? (@cocainebunnies) January 27, 2018
Happy Valentine’s Day, fellow singles pic.twitter.com/rszG7TNXER
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 14, 2017
“I don’t wanna ruin Valentine’s Day for y’all but February 14 is also on Ash Wednesday which means you can’t eat meat so start thinking about a different gift”?????
— Ang ? (@bxbygirlangie) January 23, 2018
“Anyone” — the saddest sub-genre of Valentine’s Day cards. pic.twitter.com/8GDxr4Nm28
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) February 2, 2016
you don’t have to be sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day if you remember you’re alone all the other days too pic.twitter.com/UyEPe7lI5Q
— d? (@youngoddesss) February 5, 2017
Roses are red
And so is your skin
We probably shouldn’t take medical advice from Jenny McCarthy again
— Røb Fee (@robfee) February 14, 2015
Just a friendly reminder: Don’t get married on Valentine’s Day, it’ll just end up ruining Valentine’s Day for your next spouse.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 13, 2018
Don’t forget Rite Aid for all your Valentine’s Day needs pic.twitter.com/lFyEv92MWy
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) January 7, 2017
Wow, look at the Edible Arrangement I got for Valentine’s day. So beautiful pic.twitter.com/sTAOyyj0OL
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) February 14, 2015
Give your man what he wants for Valentine’s Day: murder him.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 10, 2016
Me on Valentine’s day: ” This is a money making scheme we shouldn’t be practicing it!”
Also me on Valentine’s day: pic.twitter.com/AzoItxULvz
— Nikesh Kooverjee ❌ (@NikeshKooverjee) January 29, 2018
You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) February 14, 2015
Finally 6 inches that won’t dissapoint you on valentines https://t.co/jl6LUyHiWx
— zoey (@stars_shards) February 5, 2017
Puritan Valentine’s Day Cards pic.twitter.com/bIdsu5Q9wz
— Unvirtuous Abbey (@UnvirtuousAbbey) February 13, 2018
valentine’s day is approaching, but so is mcdonald’s monopoly and i’ll let you guess what i’m more excited for x
— Paige???✨ (@_paigemcmillann) January 28, 2018
me knowing im single af and dont have to buy any valentines gifts pic.twitter.com/eZ4WxMEWzj
— Lisa Simpson (@tbhIisa) February 3, 2017
If you’re single on Valentine’s Day you’re allowed to have two dinners right?
— mitchell davis (@mmitchelldaviss) February 6, 2016
Sure, it’s Valentine’s Day, but it’s also Frederick Douglass’ birthday. Interesting to see where your priorities are.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) February 15, 2015
Today is about intimacy, so go ahead and shit with the door open.
— Jocelyn Plums (@ColoradoUgly) February 15, 2015
Can we drop the pretense of “President’s Day” and just call it “I needed a long weekend because Valentine’s Day is garbage”
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 17, 2014