June 14th, 2019 – Australian writer Nadia Bokody has some workplace advice you might not hear from your HR manager. The sex columnist is suggesting that employees take a masturbation break to relieve those stressed out moments or mid-day slumps. Sure, you could turn to coffee or cigarettes, but Bokody believes all you really need is yourself.
In a blog post from 2018, she writes that masturbation has been her go-to stress reliever when things get a bit too intense.
“So, I slip out for my daily ‘coffee break.’ Only, I’m not going for a coffee, I’m going for a wank. Yes, you read that right – I flick the bean in work hours,” Bokody wrote on her She Said blog. “When other colleagues are busy self-indulgently puffing on their cinnamon vapes and making trips to Starbucks to wait in line for 10 minutes for their pumpkin lattes, I’m rubbing one out.”
If pumpkin lattes aren’t sounding as grande as they once did, Bokody has some recommendations if you’re wanting to go the way of office self-care. Living close to work is ideal, so you can head home for a break, but if you have to stay at the office, just head to a bathroom stall. And maybe bring some headphones and a lipstick vibrator with you.
“If it’s lunch time, I’ll head home for a quick dalliance with my vibrator (perks of living walking distance from the office), but on the odd occasion I can’t wait that long, I’ll pop into the restroom, throw in my headphones, and silently surf some RedTube until my stresses are eased,” Bokody recalls. “Fifteen minutes later, I’ll reemerge brighter and more focused, ready to tackle whatever the rest of the day throws at me.”
The masturbation advocate isn’t simply relying on wank wonder for her claims either; she’s backing them up with medical journal studies. In one published by The Journal Of Sexual Medicine, it found that masturbation was more beneficial to the brain than standard mental challenges such as Soduku and crossword puzzles. Sorry, Stanley.
“This is because, during a climax, blood flow is boosted to every single part of the brain, whereas mental exercises only stimulate certain regions,” Bokody writes. “In other words, if your employer wants to beat the 3p.m. workplace productivity slump once and for all, they should seriously consider implementing a fap break policy.”
If your office, for some strange reason, doesn’t have a fab break policy, Bokody argues that your supervisor doesn’t have any control over what you do on your break. She also says that most of your co-workers are probably relieving their stress by taking masturbation breaks. According to a survey by Hot Octopuss, an adult product retailer, 40 percent of employees are already pleasuring during payroll.
“The fact is, what you do alone behind the closed door of your office restroom cubicle is really none of your employer’s business – provided you’re not doing it outside of your break time. So, fap away, I say. Because an apple a day might keep the doctor away, but a wank break may just be the best-kept secret for killing it at work,” Bokody added.
How do you like them apples?